The New Stuff

Something Is Fishy On The Upper West Side: Semen Sushi?

A woman got more than she bargained for when she ordered extra spicy sauce for her tuna rolls at a sushi hotspot on New York's Upper West Side. Eater NY published the following filing complaint:

“......somewhere around midnight, she received a take-out order of tuna rolls, with spicy sauce on the side, and that the spicy sauce was tainted with human bodily fluid, which she believes was semen. She states that she noticed something amiss upon first tasting the sushi, after having dipped a piece of the tuna roll into the sauce, and that she spit part of the roll out but swallowed about half of the bite.”

Is it me, or do we recently have an oddly exorbitant number of people, well, 'loving' the food they are serving? But where does she 'get off' claiming something so detrimental to Planet Sushi's business? Well, lab testing is always good evidence to go in with. According to the lab she sent the rolls to, “two results were inconclusive but one indicated the possible presence of bodily fluids.” But here's the weird thing. The woman – as most sue-happy people do – is claiming to continued "physiological and psychological injuries," and her hardest suffering being that she can no longer eat sushi which just so happen to be “her favorite food." Not to jump to conclusion but, if she really wants semen covered fish... I can still think of one activity that doesn't include 'eating out'... or does it? Hmm... (insert devilish chuckle here)

If this woman was so “damaged,” then why did she leave the rolls in the lab so long that they spoiled and the lab had to throw them out? Not to mention, Planet Sushi filed a motion recently to have the complaint thrown out due to destroyed evidence but the judge denied the motion because the woman claims to have more evidence rolls in her freezer... from THREE YEARS AGO! Why the hell would you sit there and stare at possible semen rolls in your fridge for three damn years? I'm sorry, but semen tainted or not, I think it took more than one bite of sushi with an extra squirt of protein to create this nutcase.

And lastly... not to get all sex education here, but let's look at the complaint closely. The woman claimed and St. Luke's Hospital that she experienced “nausea and stomach cramps.” This sounds much more like food poisoning to me... And a tad more plausible when eating raw fish. Do you really think the porn industry would be as successful as it is if each video ended in an ambulance trip to the ER with puking? Come on lady... that's not a reaction to ejaculate digestion... Um, I've heard. HeHe

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