The New Stuff

Mayweather Motion Denied – Staying In Jail


In a shocking turn of events, a prison inmate and his team are saying that basically, being in jail isn’t fair. To be more specific, it’s the jail ‘accommodations’ in particular. Um… did we forget to mention in the pamphlet that prison is a place you go to for punishment – not enjoyment? According to this weeks AP reporting, “Lawyers for Floyd Mayweather Jr. say the undefeated champion boxer may never fight again if he's not released from the Las Vegas jail he entered earlier this month.” Which of course begs the question, “So what if the criminal doesn’t fight?”

Let me see if I can figure out why conditions aren’t comfortable enough for Mayweather. Hmm… Give me a second… It’s on the tip of my tongue… Oh yeah! I got it. It’s because you’re not checked in at one star spa… as we may have mentioned, you’re in f**king jail dude for breaking a law that we have all come to agree on! “Lawyer Richard Wright says Mayweather's health is deteriorating by being confined to his cell 23 hours a day and restricted from working out. Jailers are keeping him from the general inmate population because of his celebrity status.” Doctor’s say the conditions could do “irreversible damage.” Awe, that’s a shame. Let’s all have a moment of heartfelt silence for the boxer who might lose the very same body that allowed him to beat the crap out of his ex-girlfriend while their two children watched. This, for those of you wondering, is the reason he’s in the slammer in the first place. What a shame it would be if he weren’t strong enough to attack girls who talk back anymore.

But don’t scoff at our legal system just yet. It does work here and there. Starting with this case! AP reported today that, “A judge in Las Vegas says Floyd Mayweather Jr. must stay in jail.” Good! Screw ‘em! “Justice of the Peace Melissa Saragosa denied late Wednesday an emergency motion seeking to have Mayweather serve the remainder of his sentence under house arrest.” Stay positive Floyd. You are under house arrest. It’s just, the ‘big house.’

Mayweather may be undefeated in the ring… but it was a technical knock out in court. Terribly sorry you can’t work out and keep up on your high protein meal regimen. But look on the bright side. Every time you push off a fellow inmate who’s keen on raping woman beaters… think of it as a win. (Cue boxing bell ring sound effect.)

(Image from ESPN)

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