The New Stuff

Man Arrested For Breaking Back INTO Prison


Hands down, the only bit of enjoyment we can extract from crime is: the dumb criminal. And this story pays tribute to that goal in a sweet stupid justice kind of way. Okay... here we go. We've all heard of prisoners trying to escape from jail, but apparently this dude got locked up in the bizarro world. He tried to break IN to jail. Huh?

According to authorities, as reported by the Associated Press, “48-year-old Marvin Lane Ussery was spotted late Wednesday night scaling the 7-foot tall, barbed wire-topped fence that encircles a large wooded area behind the California State Prison in Sacramento.” Did he really enjoy his time spent there so much that he wanted more? Corrections Sgt. Tony Quinn says, “ Ussery served time at New Folsom for robbery before he was paroled in June 2009.”

As of now, they haven't found any contraband after they suspected Ussery was attempting to smuggle in drugs or cell phones to the jail. Let's back up for a second and reexamine the official wording. “As of now...” What the hell does that mean? Where else are they going to look. I assume before publicly releasing the information they checked his pockets and cavity searched the guy. Where else are they planning to look? Either the guy had stuff on him or he didn't. There is no “As of now...” Just a little pet peeve. Okay, I'm alright again. Moving on.

CNN reported that Ussery spent seven hours inside the facility before being caught. Investigators say that, “believe it or not, it's not uncommon for inmates to try to smuggle stuff back into prison.” In fact, prison officials backed up that statement commenting, “they have arrested many former Folsom prison inmates who are familiar with the 882 acre property after they tried to sneak back on to prison grounds. Those who are arrested are hiding phones, alcohol or drugs in bags or backpacks.” And how about this: The report further states that “cell phone smuggling has jumped from 896 phones confiscated per month last year to more than 1,200 confiscated per month this year.” Need a phone in jail? There's an app for that. I wonder how many times Angry Birds has been downloaded within penitentiary walls.

State prison officials do not have an exact data content when it comes to break-back-ins (how convenient – exact numbers would probably be quite embarrassing) but they say “they average an arrest every week statewide.” Currently, Ussery is being held in Sacramento County Jail on suspicion of violating his parole and being an ex-convict on prison property.

What is wrong with these inmates? If I was released from jail, the only bars I would want to see would most definitely have a liquor license!

(Image from Sacramento Sheriff’s Dept.)

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