The New Stuff

Flab-tastic Shoplifting Scheme Busted at the Seams


Well we have all heard time after time that crime never pays... but apparently a second, third, fourth, and fifth helping at the buffet makes it a little easier. Duly noted, shoplifting is never the answer, but I have to hand it to these two chunky partners in crime and award them a big fat “A” for effort.

Check this out! Two women in Oklahoma – a state not exactly known for sinewy residents – used their curves to conceal $2600 dollars worth of merchandise. Wait 'till you hear where. Chubby masterminds, Ailene Brown and Shmeco Thomas (good luck with the pronunciation), were busted at an Edmond area TJ Maxx after hiding the goods in their fat folds according to local police – who, as you could imagine, had a hard time telling the story without a smirk.

You may be thinking to yourself right about now, “Big deal? Even I can fit a tube of lipstick under my armpit.” Ha! Amateurs I tell you. “These two individuals were actually concealing large items in the excess skin of their chest and armpit areas,” said Edmond police officer James Hamm. Officer Hamm went on to report that one of the svelte five finger discount beauties actually had three boots concealed under her breast and bra area. Obviously, an early Christmas gift for her 3-legged friend known as Tri-pod.

In total, the woman were caught hiding four pairs of boots, three pairs of jeans, a wallet, and pair of gloves in different body folds. (KABC) My lord! Have you ever felt so bad for inanimate objects? I'll tell you one thing, after those items are cleared from the evidence room, how much you want to bet they go straight to the clearance table? Let's take a look at the list again. These items are not even easy to hold using your arms and hands. We're in shopping cart territory. Which has me wondering, why are we calling them folds? I believe these women have graduated to “fat drawers”.

Even though the two have only recently been apprehended... something tells me these two have been at large for quite some time.

(Image from ABC7-LA)

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