The New Stuff

Authorities Find 30 Items in Jailed Man's Rectum

SARASOTA, Fla. -----Talk about a pack rat, authorities in Florida discovered 30 hidden items inside a homeless man’s rectum after being sent to jail Friday.

The Sarasota County Sheriff’s Office said Neil Lansing, 33, had 30 different items in a condom that he had hidden inside his rectum. Lansing had been jailed following a Friday court appearance on undisclosed charges.

During a routine cell block search, correction officers noticed a piece of a condom sticking out from Lansing’s rectum, the Sarasota Herald-Tribune reported Tuesday.

When prison officials removed the condom, it was said to contain 17 blue pills, a cigarette, and six matches. An empty syringe with an eraser used to cover the needle. One flint, a lip balm container, an unused condom, a pharmacy receipt and…..a coupon. Yes a coupon!

The Sheriff’s office said Lansing who is being held without bond, is facing charges of possessing a drug and a tobacco product in jail.

Wow, where to begin with this story? My God man, it is a human orifice, not a purse for Pete's sakes.

The fact that he thought to put an eraser on the end of the needle, so he would not stick himself is pure genius. Perhaps he should consider joining Mensa once free from the sticky clutches of the Sarasota authorities.

The real mystery is why would he bring the pharmacy receipt and a coupon? Just in case he wanted to return the item and get 15% off? How would you like to be the clerk on that transaction?

Next time forget the other items, just bring change for the vending machine, it’s a lot easier. Plus the chains from the cuffs will dampen the jingle from the change in your butt.

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